Punchlines (renamed)

Ivan and Svetlana were walking across Red Square in Moscow when Ivan felt a spot of something on his nose.
'Think I felt a spot of rain' He says,turning to Svetlana.
'No', says Svetlana,'It was snow'.
'Rain' said Ivan.
'Snow,snow,snow' said Svetalana.
The conversation was just about to deteriorate to an almighty row when Ivan spotted a friend coming towards them.
'Here comes Comrade Ruddolph' said Ivan 'I'll ask him what the official party line is on the subject and that will be an end to the argument'.
'Ah! Comrade' says Ivan ' can you tell me what the Official Party Line is on the weather.Is it rain or snow?'
'Officially,its rain' said Ruddolph and off he went about his business.
'There you are' said Ivan turning to Svetlana,'told you it was rain'.
'And what,pray, makes you think thats he's right?' snarled Svetlana.
'Because' said Ivan,'Ruddolph the Red knows rain,dear'.

the punchline i heard when i was at school (1970s)

Kill joy! Do you know how long it took me to type that.
In future I'll give the punch line and see what reaction I get.
Here goes - 'They all did dear'

well the old ones are, erm always the oldest

actually this isnt a bad idea

"if i could walk that way id have never seen a gynaecologist!

"this is what happens when you put all your Basques into one exit".

"if i knew it would swell this much, id have never hit it with a cricket bat"

"if you live in a glass house you should not stow thrones".

"put the pan away, i said prick his boil"

"this is a government job" the interviewer said,"we sit around scratching our balls for the first two hours so there no need for you to come in for that!"

"put your trousers back on, i said "duck and cover""

"you can't have your kayak and heat it"

"This is as different as York and Leeds"

"the good news is that the heat from the fire brought your daffodils up early"

"so doctor frankenstien used parts from a dead carthorse too!"